It Didn't Last Long

Soon after that i became his girlfriend. He promised me that in time he would forget his ex. I believed him N i was over the moon. The excitement of having a boyfriend who is also a person who i genuinely like n a close friend coupled with the tingling effect of that first kiss (ever), those secret make out secessions.... it was awsome.  We had not told anyone of our realtion and had hidden it even from our respective roommates therefore we had to really sneek out. 

Slowly and steadily i lost touch with the few friends tht  i had made as i had started spending almost all my free time with him. We used to take long walks after dinner in our beautiful campus. Tell each other our embarrasing moments. Gossiping about other people n almost evrything under the sun. And not to forget thinking of ways to be close to each other every hour of every day. 

But soon the magic faded away. And it took no more than 2-3 months to happen. We soon strated arguing over small small things like whose room to study, what movie to watch, which side to sit on a bench during class (Silly .... i know) etc. etc. After these stupid arguments either his mood was off or mine. But everytime one thing was common in all our fights. He never used to come and apologize it was me me n only me who almost always ran after to him say sorry n make things normal between us. 

Apart from these fights one other thing tht was troubling me a lot was my guilt feeling. I was a girl from a small city of India where it was understood that a girl is supposed to have only man all her life and that man has to be her husband. And i somehow knew in my heart tht this person has very slight chance of becoming my husband; i constantly felt the guilt of breaking my parents trust. And for this reason alone after every make out session i used to feel very tensed. 

PS: We never did go all the way. There were two main reasons for it ..... 1) I wanted the first that first person to be tht one person who really loved me n whose face i cud see the first thing after opening my eyes in the morning. Sadly i knew in my heart he was not the one and 2) I was scared..... my internet research abt the topic had revealed tht 1st time females go through a lot of pain. I had decided tht even though all this was fun he was not worth taking so much pain. (I know it sounds silly but tht was my thought process... wt to do )

~Soni~