My weekend getaway in pics

Our retreat all decked up for the impending heavy rains lasting 3 months straight..

Sea of Clouds

BeautifuL Valley

Bell Flowers

Our abode

The valley again

~Sony~

It Didn't Last Long

Soon after that i became his girlfriend. He promised me that in time he would forget his ex. I believed him N i was over the moon. The excitement of having a boyfriend who is also a person who i genuinely like n a close friend coupled with the tingling effect of that first kiss (ever), those secret make out secessions.... it was awsome.  We had not told anyone of our realtion and had hidden it even from our respective roommates therefore we had to really sneek out. 

Slowly and steadily i lost touch with the few friends tht  i had made as i had started spending almost all my free time with him. We used to take long walks after dinner in our beautiful campus. Tell each other our embarrasing moments. Gossiping about other people n almost evrything under the sun. And not to forget thinking of ways to be close to each other every hour of every day. 

But soon the magic faded away. And it took no more than 2-3 months to happen. We soon strated arguing over small small things like whose room to study, what movie to watch, which side to sit on a bench during class (Silly .... i know) etc. etc. After these stupid arguments either his mood was off or mine. But everytime one thing was common in all our fights. He never used to come and apologize it was me me n only me who almost always ran after to him say sorry n make things normal between us. 

Apart from these fights one other thing tht was troubling me a lot was my guilt feeling. I was a girl from a small city of India where it was understood that a girl is supposed to have only man all her life and that man has to be her husband. And i somehow knew in my heart tht this person has very slight chance of becoming my husband; i constantly felt the guilt of breaking my parents trust. And for this reason alone after every make out session i used to feel very tensed. 

PS: We never did go all the way. There were two main reasons for it ..... 1) I wanted the first that first person to be tht one person who really loved me n whose face i cud see the first thing after opening my eyes in the morning. Sadly i knew in my heart he was not the one and 2) I was scared..... my internet research abt the topic had revealed tht 1st time females go through a lot of pain. I had decided tht even though all this was fun he was not worth taking so much pain. (I know it sounds silly but tht was my thought process... wt to do )

~Soni~

Is it Over yet??????

I have no answer to the above question. I'm super confused abt my own feelings. The conversation mentioned in the last post made me relive all those bitter sweet moments spent with him. 

It has been 4 yrs of knowing him. Met him in 2005. He was my classmate in MBA. Shy n cute. That is how everyone used to know him. Don't remember now but slowly we became friends. Started studying, hanging out after class. He was a big movie freak. Still is. Movies are his passion. He eats sleeps breaths movies. Dreams to b a director some day. We started bonding over movies. 

He was very sensitive too. This was my very first experience away from home. I had always lived a sheltered life. Parents were always there to solve all my problems. Even though he was 3 yrs younger to me he became a solid emotional support for me. Our friendships started soaring day by day. We both were introverts... but somehow we didn't seem to have any inhibition in sharing our lives in detail with each other. 

He already had a girlfriend at that time. They were doing a long distance thing. She was working in some other city and was from his hometown. Girl's family was very traditional and wanted her to get married soon to a boy of their choice. Circle still had two yrs to go before he could start earning. So they had not disclosed their relationship to anyone nor they were planning to. They had sort of accepted their fate of being separated for ever soon. My ever romantic self hated this attitude of his. But i knew the limits of friendship...so kept these feelings to my self. 

Days n trimesters sped by. Few months later his gf got engaged and he decided to forever serve things between them, even though she wanted to continue till she got married or something like that. Now i somewhat became his support. At least that is wt i thought. 

In the meantime our friendship grew stronger. We even started flirting a bit. Then one dark night in our hostel room our relationship changed for ever. 

Now began a different part of our relationship. Very different from what i had experienced till now. 

I think i should sleep now. Its late and i have office tomorrow. Rest tomorrow night. 

~Soni~

Y ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

exerpts from a phone call around two weeks ago....

Circle:  Hii... 

Me:  Hiiiii....wts up

Circle: I have to tell u something imp.

Me: OK...good or bad?

Circle:  Good

Me: U got Promoted!!!

Circle: No.....smething on the personal front...

Me: hmmmm...wt

Circle: I hv proposed a girl to marry me!!!!!!!

Me: ......................................................................................................................................congratz

WTF......felt like smeone had ripped my heart....wanted to cry out loud but had to pretend tht i'm long over him and am actually happy. The feeling suked. 

I hate my life.

~Soni~ 

 

I had a Dream....

Yaa the image is totally apt for this post......... I did hv a dream tht I hv a cute little baby girl!!!!!!!!!!! .......... how freaking amazing. 

But the dream also had a frightening part..... I was unmarried!!!!!.....the father was around but we were not a couple and and and i was totally cool with it...

OMG it was SCARYYYYYYY ..... the whole morning I hv spent in analyzing the dream. the strangest part was tht this is not the 1st time I hv dreamt something like this. in past  also I'v dreamt tht either I'm pregnant or I hv had a miscarriage...n in both the dreams one thing was common ... i was not married....period

Growing up Ii had always imagined myself with a wonderful marriage n children ...in tht order mind u. So I'm perplexed . Do dreams hv meanings ??? Wtever this dream means or wtever is going on in my subconscious...I still hv to figure tht out...but I'm now sure of one thing that I'll do nything 4 my baby...even if it means staying close to her father even though he might not be in love with me.

On a happy note Iclearly remember my baby girl's name in my dream...it was SIYA. I looked it up the on the net immediately after getting up n it is another name of Sita wife of Lord Ram in Indian Mythology. I'm so damn exited. So its decided now tht if ever I hv a girl I hv a name ready for her. Love u my girl.  

~Soni~

 

Left Right n Center!!!

Every where I look all I can see is people getting engaged/married/celebrating anniversaries/ getting pregnant left right n center.....  n I know tht I'm being cynical but I HATE it.

HATE...ya I know its a pretty strong emotion but I do feel it along with a couple of other negative emotions - fear, despair, self doubt to name a few. I just can't believe I'm one of the last few people from my school, junior college, under grad college n MBA school, who still hasn't settled down!!!!!!!!

Its not tht I am cynical aways or I don't njoy my life at the moment but I aways feel tht I want more n tht I DESERVE more. 

Just looking at all those happy pictures on Facebook n Orkut makes me wish tht these were my profiles (sigh!!!!!!). I've had it with just being happy for others (for most parts i AM genuinely happy)...but i want to give others a chance to feel that for me too. 

All I have in the name of love n relationship are 2-3 mistakes. 

1st one with my classmate in MBA. It didn't even last for 2 months before we started fighting like cats n dogs n after one n a half yr of crying everyday over it, it was finally over . 

2nd a 3 week fling with a guy who got serious while I was getting over my ex. I wonder whether he was really into me or just about liked tht the touhy feely thing tht happens with new couples. 

I'm now on to my 3rd mistake - having long, heartfelt, late night phone chatting sessions with an old but strongest crush of my life. The conversations hv started moving towards something short of phone sex. No mistake here some one wud say but before I get carried away I should mention one thing ------ he's MARRIED  ..........I'm doomed :( 

I don't mean to be bitter n end up alone. I want to be happy. I want someone to wake me up every day, hold my hand while crossing roads, get wet in the rains with me, try cooking with me in the kitchen. Some one on whose shoulders I can cry when I return home after a bad day in office. Some one who cud give me flowers n tell me tht I look pretty. One with whom I can watch thestars at night n watch horror movies. One who is as happy to be with me as much I am being with him. Some who I can consult while picking up a dress, kitchen appliances, gifts, on how much to tip etc. Some one who I can plan my old age with. Is this asking too much?

 GOD r u listening ??????

~Soni~

 

Go GOA!!!!!

I recently visited Goa for a weekend break n i must say the whole time i was there i was there i was thinking of only 2 things - Why had i never been there bfore???????  n I hv to mk a return trip sooooooooonnnnn!!!

Goa has been forever known as the only place in India where its party time all yr long. It has evry thing- beaches, sun, sand, tons n tons of booze, skimply clad people, water sports n the likes.

These r a few of the pics showing my effort to capture the beauty of tht place

~Soni~